Secrets
by Katrin Halcyon
Summary: Some secrets were more compelling than others. SLASH


Title: Secrets  
  
Author: Katrin  
  
Fandom: James Bond  
  
Pairing: Bond/Trevelyan  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: James Bond and Alec Trevelyan belong to. umm. the estate of Ian Fleming, maybe? Certainly not me. No infringement is intended, and no money is being made.  
  
Summary: Some secrets were more compelling than others.  
  
Notes: Written mostly because it was too good to pass up. Muchos thanks go to Claire and Becca.  
  
Best friends. That was as good a description as any, Alec supposed, for James and himself. They spent time together, did things together, shared everything. Best friends.  
  
It certainly wouldn't do to describe them as any more than that. Not that either of them thought they were more than friends, of course. Just mates, pals, chums.  
  
Just friends who happened to have sex occasionally.  
  
That had been entirely Alec's doing, and he almost regretted it. Almost. On the verge, really.  
  
It hadn't been one of his smarter moves, all in all, but there was nothing too be done now. James was straight - very straight. But he was also congenitally incapable of rejecting a sexual advance. The reasons could have been hormonal or emotional or, if Dr. Freud was to be believed, the result of deep-rooted childhood trauma. whatever caused it wasn't important. It was the effects that mattered.  
  
There was only one relevant effect, as far as Alec was concerned. One night two best friends had gotten drunk together, one had made a pass, and the other had accepted it.  
  
For a few months they'd been. Alec wasn't sure how to describe it. They weren't in a romantic relationship, weren't really "lovers". On one hand, they had regular sex. On the other hand, they were still best friends. And the two things had nothing to do with each other.  
  
When they were just being friends, James took all the initiative, made all the suggestions. When they went to this pub or that, took in a football match, even took in a film, it was always James's idea, and Alec didn't mind.  
  
The sex didn't follow the patterns of their friendship, and so it was different, separate. One had nothing to do with the other. In bed, Alec took the lead, because he wanted to, and because James couldn't. They'd tried it before, wordlessly, Alec handing over the control and lying back. It didn't end up really working, though. Alec thought that James, the playboy extraordinaire, was really a sub at heart. The irony was terrific, but Alec kept it to himself.  
  
They followed the same script each time they slept together. First Alec blew James, and then Alec fucked James. Same every time. Alec kind of wanted more, but was resigned to not getting it. Because to get more he'd have to ask James about it, and he and James didn't talk about the sex; it just wasn't done. Talking was part of their friendship, and the sex. well, the sex stood alone, apart from the talking and everything else that friendship entailed.  
  
Alec was sure that someone at MI-6 had figured out all about the. affair. Agents didn't get private lives. No one said anything, though, because really, what was there to say? As long as it didn't interfere with their missions. and it couldn't. Their friendship was a much stronger bond than the sex was.  
  
The sex meant nothing.  
  
Alec told himself that on a regular basis. It meant nothing; it was nothing. No one had anything emotionally invested.  
  
Alec kept telling himself that it didn't matter, and sometimes he believed it.  
  
The truth was that it did matter - but only to Alec. He knew that.  
  
To James it was nothing, Outside of bed, it didn't even rate the bad puns he was famous for. To random analysts at MI-6, it was just another factor when assigning missions, not even important enough to get M to talk to him about it.  
  
It was like a relationship so secret that even one of the principals didn't know about it.  
  
It was like Alec's dirty little secret.  
  
How ironic, that he could be far more open about the illicit sex than he could about his emotional involvement. Alec typically liked irony, and that was ironic too.  
  
Alec knew his emotional involvement had gone too far when he realised that he wanted to tell James everything. Just. everything. He wanted to tell James about his feelings, his past, his future. He wanted to tell James about his plans, all the rest of his dirty little secrets.  
  
It was impossible. James's only loyalty was to his country; he wasn't loyal to Alec personally as a friend, and certainly not as a lover. Telling James would ruin everything.  
  
That was when Alec knew it was time to leave.  
  
Some passions were stronger than sex. Some secrets were more compelling than others. 


End file.
